Insanity In a Smallz, he who dares to be blunt.

-My January 21st 2012 Insanity in a Smallz-

-J.d. Smallz

I am like a new child.

I am like a newborn blogging child.

Better off starting with a little truth, right?

I won't be told what to do, I won't be told how to write, how to eat, what to wear, what to say. I am one of those sexually power-driven Scorpios, stubborn as hell, with civility.  With me, Chivalry is not dead; if I had the money, I would pay for meals, I do open doors for my woman, I love to watch her sleep, I'm sure she would think it's kinda creepy, so I try not to let her catch me though.  I hold my breath at night sometimes if I think I am breathing to loud, and try to match my breathing pace with the rise and fall of her chest. I know it's weird, but they are all things that I just do, they seem hardwired somehow into this thick skull I have developed over the years.

 Now that doesn't mean I think I am old or anything, on the contrary, I believe I will always have more to learn and do, as long as I learn and do them on my terms.  Which brings me to somewhat of a point, well, at least what I sat down here to blog about.

Why do I have to use those "Tried and True Gems" everyone's pitching on the internet? Let me know if I'm wrong, but it seems like the old gag where you get to the site and, ... oh that's right, the ol' bait and switch, where you then have to buy a cheap ass  E-book with info that you can find with a lot of your own research.

 I don't know anything in particular about blogging, frankly I can't even really write all that well, but I gotta believe that if I write about a topic I am passionate about, a topic that I love, a topic that I own and wrote the book on for gosh sakes, people will find it, people will "get it" and in a few days I'll have 1,000 followers from here to Mumbai, right? Doubt it, I am just not that consistent, I am just not that interesting.

 I want to build a persona online. I want to create a brand. However, as much as we think it's our personas that we create online, I believe those personas were already there and they created us online. I walked right into View My Smallz and will happily, and without protest, keep saying yes to paying to be an awkward and/or lame online version of myself.  It's like the internet thinks we as humans are lazy, but it's all in the name of convenience, right? That's what they say, it's ok that our teens don't have to know how to spell because we have spell checker. They don't know how to interact with each other or the world because of texting, so they keep turning "Emo" on us and want to cry a lot and play stabby games.

We don't even have to use our own minds, or money, for porn anymore. Thank heroin addiction and serious daddy issues in the 90s  for that one! However, I have a feeling our forefathers were well on their way to instituting some kind of porn policy anyway, who wouldn't want to monatize sex, it's a crazy money maker today.  Damn, it used to be so hard to watch porn on the internet, too. Now my six-month-old could smash her little fingers so innocently on the keyboard and BAM! grandma being plowed by three chickens and an albino midget wearing a body condom, sorry, that was bad, "little person" wearing a body condom.

 I remember trying to be all sneaky, putting a blanket over the tower so my mom wouldn't hear the dial up beeping, I would cough just as connection started, you all remember the sound, all while trying to beat one off to a half-naked thumbnail of Angelina Jolie (who, by the way, is still in the yank bank but on a steady decline since Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow). Sorry, TMI? Really, I can't help it, I can't be told what to say, remember?

So..

It's all classic sales right, I get it, I've been in sales all my life. Supply and demand. I want to know how to be sucsessfull online so I can spend time with, and take better care of, my family. And someone hears that call, makes a website and sells the shyt out of it, probably every second of the day from every corner of the world! Seems almost forced upon, conspiracy?... nope not gonna be that kind blog... I just am recently noticing how tracked online we are, it's like we have become horny little purchasing ad generating rabbits, marketing cockroaches or hatchery fish released into the wild to bring back our friends to the same sick spawning ground and it will never be the same again, that's already a given.  Notice the Adsense, I do get the Irony of this post btw.

Do Bibles still sell? I could do that.

I have even been "That Guy" that called you that one time just after your aunt Sally met her untimely demise by tripping and then subsequently also killing your three-week-old kitten, and weren't you sitting down to supper when I rang? Or that one kid who knocked on your door and sold you $350 of magazines that you then: A) got yelled at by your wife for using 4 checks to purchase, and B) then used those same mags to burn in your fireplace later that day because you realized you bought 10 subscriptions to Modern Eskimo and 15 to Underwater Basket Making Secrets.

 Not my fault I'm charming is it, somehow the sly little tricks I used back in the day, I must have learned them from somewhere, I just can't place it...*Cough-TV-cough...mainstream-cough-media ack- ahh that's better, had a little phlegm is all.

I did have a point when I started this, which with my apparent adult onset ADD, I can't even remember.

I will rant, I will rave, I will complain while typing on my laptop wireless-ly piggybacking off McDonald's free internet and sparkling employee conversation. All the while learning all your tips to be a successful blogger.

I am like a new child

I am like a newborn Blogging child.

I read it's best to end with a little truth.

Catch my next posts, all about twitter, myspace, facebook, and Hash..um hashtags.

In a few days when the medz wear off.